We Are Not Alone

September 20, 2017 was the first day of the worst season of our life, but it is also a day filled with hope. Hope? How does that make sense when it's the worst?

The pain is still so raw and real. It was only 2 ½ weeks ago that we lost our little girl and it has been a roller coaster of emotions. We are broken. We are in pain. We don’t understand. But, we feel comforted by our support system. We feel happiness knowing that our Kyleigh only knew love. We feel hope that our baby girl is in the arms of her Creator.

The drive to the hospital on September 20 is a huge blur. The only thing I remember from that almost 30 minute drive is the lyrics from the song as we pulled out of the gate of our subdivision. They said,

“Oh, how you’re weary, from fearing you lost control
This is the one thing, you didn’t see coming
And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see, if you stop believing

Oh, my soul
You are not alone
There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know
One more day, He will make a way
Let Him show you how, you can lay this down
‘Cause you’re not alone.”

Casting Crowns "Oh My Soul"

In that moment, I knew my little girl would not be coming home with me. I dreaded getting to the hospital, because I already knew in my heart what was awaiting me. Throughout the course of the next couple of days I kept being reminded of those lyrics. I could not remember what song it was, I just remembered the message I got from it. I kept telling myself, “I don’t know why this is happening, but God is in control and I am not alone.”

Yesterday we heard that song and the emotions of that night came over me all over again. I am hanging in there. The wound is still wide open, but I am grateful that my parents instilled in me faith and I am even more grateful that God blessed me with an amazing husband whose faith is just as strong. We are not mad at God. We are thankful that we were blessed with this perfect little angel, who is the product of our love for each other through God.

This is our toughest season yet, but we are still able to see God's presence. God’s arms are surrounding us. God’s love is showering over us. And even though we are in the middle of this chaos, we are surviving because of God. We are not alone!